Do you ever find yourself walking around and wondering, why me?
Lately, I’ve been kicking around this question, both while walking around and even while sitting;)
I’ve been asking why three out of my four parents (my parents divorced and both remarried) were alcoholics.
I’ve been asking why I was born into a family that is stacked with some of the least supportive people on the planet.
I’ve been asking why both of my older brothers ended up abusing drugs and alcohol and have literally disappeared from my life.
I’ve been asking why I had to grow up surrounded by so much violence and dysfunction and on and on.
I know, it may sound like I’m just throwing myself one big pity party asking all of these, why me questions, but I know that I’m not the only one doing it.
On one hand, I think it’s totally healthy and natural to ask, why me when recovering from trauma, when life isn’t working out the way you want it to or you get slammed with something unexpected. The question, why me can be a constructive tool for reflection and understanding.
But on the other hand, if we dwell too long in why me it can easily morph into one big never-ending pity party where we’re the only guest, the drinks have long lost their fizzle and all of the party food has gone stale.
This is NO FREAKIN BUENO!
That’s why, in today’s post, I’m offering up three alternative or in addition to questions, to the why me question.
My hope is that what I’m sharing here will give you both the space you need to explore the why me question while giving you the right amount of perspective so that you don’t get lost in the world of why me.
Once you’re finished reading, I invite you to share your thoughts, insights and ideas in the comment section.
We’ll also be discussing the why me question during our next Facebook Live session this Friday, August 11th at 1pm Eastern.
If you’d like to join the live discussion, which I sincerely hope you do, join me on Growing Up Chaotic’s Facebook page at 1pm this Friday.
Remember your voice, experiences and insights are vital to this community. And what you have to share is not only unique but it may be exactly what someone else needs to read. And that someone could be you.
Thank you for being part of the GUC community!
Until next Tuesday,
#1 Can You Ever Really Answer The Question?
If you’ve been asking yourself the why me question for some time now and you still haven’t found an answer, don’t worry you’re not alone.
Personally speaking, when I’ve been in the thick of it with the why me question and I’m wrestling around with potential answers, I’ve always come up empty handed.
But it’s been through that wrestling process that I’ve discovered that none of what happened to me was every really about me.
And it was also through that process that I began to understand that the problems my parents’ had, whether emotional, mental or with addiction, were long in play and well established before I was even born.
So although I’ve yet to discover the answer to why me, through my pursuit of that ever elusive answer, I’ve made a lot of unexpected discoveries along the way.
Which leads me to this point. Even if we never get the answer we’re looking for, if we find ourselves consistently pushing the why me, that may reveal the parts or events of our lives that we’ve not yet accepted.
So even if we never find our answer, we can use the why me question to point us in the direction of the parts, people and events of our lives that we must figure out how to surrender to and accept.
#2 What Can You Do To Keep It Moving?
It wasn’t until recently that I realized how dangerous it can be to spend too much time in my head.
When I spend too much time in my head obsessing over the why me question, I lose site of the present moment. I lose sight of what’s going on in my life right now – both the good and the not so good.
So, when I reach that point, I roll my shoulders back and I get moving. I shift my focus from my head to my body. I go to the gym and I walk on the treadmill or I go for a simple walk outside or I lay my butt on the ground and do some crunches.
Movement, no matter how big or small can help keep the why me conversation or repetitive loop you’re running in your head from becoming all consuming.
Oddly enough, when I allow myself to stop beating the question into the ground, and I get my body moving, new perspectives, insights and ideas that I couldn’t see before pop into my head.
So the next time you find yourself getting lost in your own why me loop, ask yourself what you can do to keep things moving and then do it.
#3 If You Can’t Find The Answer, What Can You Find?
I once had a roommate who’s boyfriend was not only always drunk or high but he was also physically abusive.
Over the years that they dated, he’d given her black eyes, busted up her lips and had even broken a few bones.
Shortly after we moved in together, they broke up, and not soon after he started dating another girl who, oddly enough, he never laid a hand on.
My roommate of course wanted to know, why me? Why did he beat her and abuse her but not the new girl.
Well, she never got an answer from him because I don’t even think he knew why, but even back then, I encouraged her to instead focus on the answers that she could find.
Why did she get in a relationship with and stay with a guy that beat her and disrespected her in every way possible?
Why, in the thick of the abuse, was she afraid to speak up and ask for help?
Why did she think that his treatment of her was okay?
Why did she feel like she deserved that level of disrespect?
Would she allow herself to get in another relationship like that again?
You don’t have to have been in an abusive relationship to explore these questions. But the idea is still the same, and you can always start by asking yourself –
If I can’t find the answer to the question, why me, what can I find?
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