Hands down my biggest pet peeve is people butting in line.
There’s just something about it that feels intentional. No matter how people try to pretend that they didn’t realize they were doing it, the act still gets under my skin. And you better believe I speak up about it when it happens.
I know, I need to work on this one. In the grand scheme of life, people butting in line, whether intentional or not, is no reason to lose my shit but it happens.
Another pet peeve I have, that’s recovery related, is when people say you just need to get over it.
For me the phrase feels dismissive. And if I think about it for too long it can lead me down the dead end road of doubt, guilt and shame.
When someone else can’t recognize or acknowledge what I’ve been through it makes me doubt the severity of my experience.
When someone makes it seem like getting over it is something I should be able to do with ease, I feel guilty for not being able to.
And the shame comes from the rejection I feel. Instead of understanding, I feel judged for my honest reaction to a painful experience regardless of how long ago it happened.
I don’t think people who toss around the you just need to get over it phrase realize how damaging it can be.
Now, we certainly can’t control what flies out of other people’s mouths. But we are in control of how much power we give to other people’s opinions.
In today’s post, we’ll be exploring the truth about just getting over it.
Please be aware that the truth I’m presenting here comes directly from my personal understanding and experience.
What I’ve shared may not reflect you directly and that’s totally fine.
Over the years, I’ve learned that in most cases it’s not my experiences but other people’s opinions that I need to get over.
Which is why I want to hear what you think in the comment section.
What is your truth when you hear someone say, you just need to get over it? Does it kick up emotional junk for you or have you learned to see past it?
Leave your thoughts and experiences in the comment section.
Remember, your voice, experiences and insights are vital to this community. And what you have to share is not only unique but it may be exactly what someone else needs to read. And that someone could be you.
Until next Tuesday,
#1 For Some It’s Easy Peasy
When we’re talking about recovery, I don’t believe that there’s a one size fits all solution. And I also don’t believe that there’s a timeline or standard that must be followed for success.
Some people find it easier to let go and move on and others find it challenging. I’m one of those people that finds it extremely difficult to let things go.
Years ago this wasn’t something I knew about myself. So that’s why when someone would throw the you just need to get over it phrase at me it landed hard.
But as I learned more about recovery and met more people in recovery I discovered that recovery looks different for everyone.
For example, I had a friend who’s father was an alcoholic. His alcoholism tore her family apart and from a very young age, my friend, had to take on adult responsibilities that she wasn’t ready for.
Once over coffee I asked her how she felt about her dad. And she told me that she forgave him and held no bad feelings toward him. Through therapy she was able to eventually move on and let go of all that her dad did in the past.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and I wanted to know how she got to that point. When I asked, she told me that she really didn’t know h0w she got there but when it came to her dad she was able to get over all that happened in the past.
And for some people I’ve learned that moving on, like my friend did, is truly that easy. But that doesn’t mean that it’s the same for all people.
My hope is that you’ll keep this idea in mind the next time someone throws the you just need to get over phrase in your face.
You don’t need to explain or justify where you’re at or what you’ve been able to move on from in your recovery.
Even though it may be easy for some that’s not how it works for all.
#2 We’ve Got Different Sized Onions To Peel
In many ways recovery is a lot like an onion but an onion doesn’t do recovery justice.
Here’s what I mean.
It’s true, or at least I believe, that progress in recovery is a lot like peeling back the many layers of an onion.
With every layer that’s exposed we get closer to the truth which leads to an even deeper level of self discovery and understanding.
But unlike an onion, there’s no limit to the number of layers we can pull back in recovery. Not everyone is dealing with the same sized onion.
So even if you haven’t reached a point where you can just let go and get over it (whatever it is for you) don’t count yourself out. Maybe you just haven’t reached that layer of your recovery yet.
As you continue to work on yourself, don’t let anyone judge where you should be or what you should be able to do at any point.
We’ve all got different sized onions to peel.
#3 You Won’t Get A Ticket If You Don’t Follow The Recovery Speed Limit
If you’ve ever driven a car then I don’t need to tell you what can happen if you drive over the speed limit.
If there’s a cop around and they catch you, you will most likely be pulled over and issued a ticket.
And believe me, although I’m not proud to admit it, I was issued several speeding tickets in my early driving days. But of course now,I’m a much more responsible driver.
Anyway, when it comes to getting over anything you’ve got to know that there’s no speed limit in recovery.
It doesn’t matter how fast or slow you travel, you will never be issued a ticket for the pace that’s right for you.
You’ll never be doing it wrong as long as you’re trying and showing up for every moment and lesson that comes your way. And yes, this idea even applies to those people that think it’s time for you to just get over it.
Instead of letting the comment throw you off your game or lead you down the dead end road of doubt, let it be a reminder of the only opinion that truly matters in your recovery and that’s your own.
More To Explore: